Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Someone signed my nipple.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
