never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
