Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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