So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So squirting runs in the family.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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