I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
