I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Two words: blizzard sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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