We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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