Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
