You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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