Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
