We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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