dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
