He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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