guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I AM VODKA MAN
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
