so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize