where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
