Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
