I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is Oprah even human
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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