Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
