she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
