Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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