there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
