Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
