I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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