Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
