we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
