Sry I called you an 8
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
