I cockslap morals
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
