Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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