i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
