I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
