nut hugger
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
