I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
