I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
