you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
