I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
