North Korea, Best Korea!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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