Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
