He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
