wrigley field is MILF paradise
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
