How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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