what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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