Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
