After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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