I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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