Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize