I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
