How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
