what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
