Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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