9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
