He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
