when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
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I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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