I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
