Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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