PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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