Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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