Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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