He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
