This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
