Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
