Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
