I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will be naked everywhere
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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