Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
