Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize