I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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