my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
