Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Welp...herpes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
