this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
