How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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