i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
